So stupid!

I cannot believe I never thought of that! Now that I realize it it seems so silly! When I have been blogging about my friends I never wanted to spell out their names, BUT why the hell did I not just do as they do in Gossip Girl? Yeah, you got it! Their front letters!

I feel so stupid since it has just occurred to me right now, months after I first had the dilemma about whether or not to put their names on display. M would laugh her ass off due to my stupidity :)

Only thing: Many of them start with the same letter. Well you will just have to figure that out yourselves :D

Xoxo

I feel miserable

I just want to hide underneath my pillows. Take cover and hide!

I feel like crying my eyes out

But I will be strong!

One of us has to anyway

Please please please

Just give him back to my right away!!

My dog is at the hospital. He has been in serious pain the past few days and last night it peaked. He screamed all night and could not sleep. This morning we drove him to the vet for the second time this week. They decided to keep him and do some x-rays. The results did not show any significant sign of what is causing the pain though.

Now he is still there. The little patient with the way too drugged eyesight. He looked really groggy and could barely move when I last saw him. I just hope his pain will go away and he can come home.

They want him home by the weekend, but I want him home by NOW! I miss him so much. I cannot stand not knowing what is happening to him. It hurts.

I think I end up skipping school tomorrow. Cannot concentrate anyway. I know it is a bad excuse, but I just cannot do it. Test and all that NO I wont show up. I have no motivation to study for the test so I might as well get nothing for not showing up as getting nothing for showing up and doing horribly...

xoxo

Picture passion

Under the sea.

Money. Money. Money.

My own little princess. And she is no virgin anymore! Lost it to MCR :)

Memories from Hamburg

Passion

74 75

Gossip

I just checked my bank account. Apparently I get a lot of money tomorrow since I have paid too many taxes. I do not mind at all! :D It is always such a nice surprise to find that you get money back that you long have seen as spent. So I decided I needed to buy myself a little something (or well, I decided I could allow myself to spent some money on the thing I have had my eyes on for ages!) And there you have it! On top of this post a little pretty blue box containing hours of the scandalous lives of the Upper East Siders. Now all that is to do is wait patiently for it to dispatch and get delivered!

AND my friend has already proposed to a date with Gossip, glamor and giggling! She is so amazing :) I cannot wait for it!

Overwhelmed

I just checked the status of this blog and honestly? I was in shock! 8 page views yesterday AND they were from different countries! I know it is nothing to talk about, but I found it so very curious. It will probably never repeat itself so I am going to enjoy it for as much as I can :) (whatever is to enjoy anyway!)

Sunday. Oooh boy it is Sunday once again! Like it always has to happen the week somehow ends with Sunday. We cannot escape it or deny it. Sunday.

And like most of my Sundays I have an assignment I need to finish... Well, I have not started on it yet, but yeah. Palestine is what I shall write about. But seriously I have NO clue at all about how to start and even less a clue on how to make it good. Damn..

I feel like packing my bags and leaving. The character Eric from Gossip Girl really speaks to me. I have watched the show for quite some time now, but yesterday it struck me that I can somehow relate to this character. Sure I have not done what he did, but I have had the thoughts. Numerous times. All the times. Now?

So it is with a whole new perspective that I watch the show. I find I love most of the characters. They come off as shallow and superficial, but there is in fact more to them than what meets the eye. Serena is probably my favorite though. Not that she is the one reminding most of myself.

Jedi Mind Tricks

Quite frankly I am sick and tired of nosebleeds... I fucking hate it! The last four days I have had chronic nosebleeds and always at the most inconvenient times! Stupid body keep the bloody blood INSIDE! Ihf! How hard can that be???

STAR WARS! I wish I had a light saber! How cool would that be?? The nice sounds when swung and all that! Amazing! Also it could be quite cool to be able to use Jedi mind tricks! USE THE FORCE! To open doors, to escape making things you do not want to and more!

Yes the Star Wars brunch has truly affected me. We watched movies 1,2 and 3 yesterday. 9 hours in the company of great friends, food and cool Jedis! I love those guys :)

We went for a walk in the forest near the sea in between movie 1 and 2. And we witnessed the most peculiar scenery. A man throwing a stick over the cliff (do not know what else to call it) and his dog leaping over to fetch it. It howled and they just kept walking. When we got closer we saw that the dog was unable to get up again. I wonder how a person can just do that to their dog. It seems like something I would never EVER do to my dog or someone else's dog. I felt sorry for the dog. I even tried to call to it to get it up. But it was no use. The freakin' dog was obsessed about finding the damn stick before it would come up..... Frustrating!

Say it once more

Midterm tests are over!! From tomorrow on I have an extended weekend which means: STAR WATS BRUNCH ON FRIDAY!!! :D I am so looking forward to it! It sounds so fucking amazing!!

Embarrassed as I am I have to admit to never actually having seen any of the Star Wars movies *blush* which is why my friend decided that it was really about time for me! (and my other friends who has not seen any either) SO this is how the Star Wars brunch was born.

(I so look forward to seeing the Darth Wader cake!!!!!)

I love them, I truly and sincerely love them! They make my day everyday when I am in school! So a big THANK YOU! To all of the BFF members, my happe corner group which I love more than words can describe it!

(Just realized how cheasy this sounds, but fuck yeah, I do NOT care at all, they are the bestest and they matter!)

I want my voice back!

Seriously, I do!

It has been hell! I cannot stand it.

Here is the thing. I have not been able to speak properly for the last 26 hours and it is pissing me off! At first it was mildly annoying, but quite funny. I joked about it, my guests joked about it and we all had a laugh because of it. But now 26 hours later I just do not find it funny anymore!

I WANT IT BACK!!!

Today has probably been my most silent day in years! But it is like you get tired of trying to speak when all that comes out are squeaky sounds that are barely audible to the human ear. Geez...

Can you call it luck that I wont have to speak in class tomorrow? Since we have these midterm tests all week. I hope my voice has returned to normal by tomorrow, but I cannot trust it to do so..

I think of writing "yes", "no" and "hello" on my

hands so that I wont have to speak that much tomorrow. I feel like such an emo kid! What the hell! Not saying much just sitting there...... BLAH!

Good thing about today: PUPPIES!

I was visiting some of my parent's friends who just happen to have five little adorable labrador retriever pups! Ooooh my how I wanted to take one, two all of them with me home! They were SO cute and made me in such a good mood! How puppies have a way of doing that. Aww. And they did not care if my voice was off or even missing!

Puppies are to die for

Dying is the latest fashion

So, all of a sudden I have become extremely interested in the death of other people. In particular I find some strange, amusement?, joy?, entertainment?, in looking at pictures of dead people. It is pretty disgusting since the pictures I find are extremely graphic, but I just cannot help it!

Mostly it is suicides I look at. I had no idea you would look so disgusting after drowning, kinda like a frog. I wonder why people always think of drowning as a beautiful way to go. In my opinion it was one of the most ugly ways I saw on the site. Oh well, different people different measures.

So how come I look at those pictures. Some of the sites have been to have actually been giving inspiration to suicidal people which I find disturbing. But then again it is the internet and you can find information on anything on here. You just have to look close enough.

When the guts are scattered all over the ground like in the pictures I find it obvious why witnesses are offered to talk to a shrink. I would never ever want to experience such a thing. I cannot trust myself with what I would do afterwards. Simply put.

So this is a cheery night! I was supposed to be with a friend, but I decided I did not want to anyway. She has been rather depressed and ranting lately so no fun in her. I know I am mean to just leave her alone with it, but I just cannot stand all the ranting... It is everything, even stuff I find fucking amazing! AND I do not want to listen to K-pop and hear her be all fan-girlish so yeah. I am a bitch and so be it.

Pia

So I need a red carpet. But.. The thing is I should have thought of that earlier. Daamn.....!

I am SO going to remember that next time!

It is funny to watch "Having dinner at.." with Pia K. So much fun! I never imagined her house to look like that. And the menu she has prepared, so unexpected! Her house is full of rubbish! Weird things everywhere! "They all have a history behind them" okay then, but they still take up too much space you know??

But I would never have expected her to make Greek cousine for the guests. Maybe that was some way to smash the prejudices? Well played Pia, well played!

She is so odd..

I want to dance zorba

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Everybody having a nice green-spirited day?? I sure hope you are :) I for one am! Really enjoyable day in fact! GREEN CAKE FTW!

I decided to take the roller blades to school today! Refreshing idea! Although next time I have to leave five minutes before - not so good to be five minutes late haha. But it was ancient studies (dunno what to call it in English) so I was cool. He is one of my favorite teachers! So cool and chilling! Makes fun of everything and is just so great to be around. Such a joking, jolly human! Gotta love that man yeah..

Then I decided not to stay throughout the whole school day. Instead I chose to take off, leave it all and go bake a cake at one of my friend's house. GREEN CAKE for St. Patrick's Day! Hahaha so funny! We even decided on buying weird stuff like Christmas cookies - so random!

(and what is it with people saying you cannot eat such stuff when it is not Christmas???? If it tastes good then why limit it to that one time of year? It is not like the taste is different just because the sun is shining.. Geez)

I have grown quite fond of one of my friend's friends. He is such a laugh and has the darkest humor in the world. Just the type of person that gets the jokes I tell! LOVE IT! We had the greatest laughs maybe a little at the cost of others, but well.... Oops....

But I do not know if people were offended by it hmm.. Or if they wanted me to talk less to him? I do not know. That is something I only think about AFTER not while. And that then makes me wonder a lot. Oh well.

Tell the girls I am out!

Then we just get up and go!

I can't slow down

Well this is something else

Woke up in Hamburg. Took a shower and discovered confetti between my boobs. Headed for Denmark, dropped off all of my stuff at Daddy's work and made it just in time for the last hour of school and then dancing lessons. Bus was late as always and then I had forgotten my key and went to my grandparents to get the spare. Could you call that a weird day? Well I kind of am going to anyway.

THE SHOW WAS AWESOME! OH MY GOD! I freaking fucking love that band! Love love! Killjoys make some noise!

Yesterday was pretty rough. Standing in line for 8 hours straight is quite something you know.. And to top it all we were threatened by a mean Dutch lady. CRAZY PERSON! Seriously! Would not even let us explain ourselves before she talked about hitting us in the faces, sweet!

BUT I really likes one of the security guys. He was so nice to me! I do not even know why, beats me. He made the people stand back when I was pushed against the fencing thing and then the most random act I have witnessed in a long time: He took my jacket when I was about to leave the venue and then helped me get it on, like you know, parents did when you were younger! I was so stunned, but so nice of him :D That really made my day after my day was made several other times that day :P

This is how I disappear

Costumes, smoke, colors and lots of beer. Without mentioning the atmosphere that kinda sums up the costume party I went to yesterday. So much damn fun!

I AM BACK IN THE GAME!

I do not want to give up the fight yet. Not when so much is at stake. I cannot let myself give in. And therefore I wont :)

I have now experienced just exactly how much it hurts riding your bike through a hailstorm without the proper equipment. LIKE HELL IT HURTS! That spiking ice cold stabbing of tiny little pieces of ice smashing with the force of whatnot on my face was not at all pleasant. At some point I felt my eye freezing so much I thought it would start to spas and cramp. BUT I survived!!

Now one might wonder why the hell I rode out in a hailstorm in the beginning (does not sound too tempting) but there is actually a very rational explanation: I had to get home.

It was one of those days where you think "oh the weather looks okay so let's ride the bike to school!" and then suddenly God hates you and decides to come up with rain, snow and hail just to make your life miserable, yay.

Okay gals tomorrow I set out on a journey! A journey to become the greatest Pokémon master in the world! Or I go to Germany to see a band I very much enjoy. You take your pick. (both seem appealing to me AND logical yeah)

So with this a heartwell goodbye :D

Blackout rant

I cannot stand it.. I feel so freakin' fat! As much as I hate to spell it (out loud?) nevertheless it is the truth. I am nothing but fat.. Have always been and probably always will be. It saddens me. I just wish I was not. Pretty please with fucking cheese on top.....

I do not care what people think. The only thing that matters is my own impression of myself and frankly? It does not look good. I am such a negative person.. And why the hell was I even born? When all I have experienced seems unimportant then why even bother? Such a shame..

A stupid fucktard is what I am. I hope I will die a slow and painful death for all the things I have done, past and present.

I do not even know what I look like anymore. I cannot trust my eyes. It sucks. Sucks big time, sucks donkey balls!

I wish I could live in a fairytale where none of this existed, where I could just be happy.. Instead of living this stupid meaningless life of mine. Where I do not eat to drown my sorrows (or what the fucking hell I do) LET ME LOOSE!

Lucky me that I have no followers. And to those reading this I feel sorry for you. Sincerely.

To rant, I rant, I ranted, I have ranted, tomorrow I shall rant again and again over and over and over...

Flash mob

I wish I was Mukhtar. Must be so very nice to experience this!

When you thought all hope was lost they return.

Quite frankly it confuzzles the heck out of me! After so many months things are actually starting to go back to "normal". A state which I have long stopped to expect to get back to. What is happening to the world?? If everything is returning to this then why change it in the first place? Leave me unhappy and miserable for months and then when I settle with it and accept my fate then POW it starts to go back... Is that toying with me or what!? I need to sit down.

I am going back to school tomorrow. I really wish there was some other option, but I guess that is not possible. I keep wishing I get involved in an accident and my dreams are about vanishing and no longer being visible to the people around me. Quite appealing in fact. In my dreams animals are able to sense me, but people cannot. I guess I was sad in the dream when I realized I could never touch my beloved dog ever again. The mere thought of that can at some times of the day bring me to tears.

Like some songs for instance. Out of the blue I can burst into tears. Fortunately so far nobody has ever witnessed my pathetic behavior what I know of at least. I guess it looks kind of funny when an eighteen-year-old girl jogs in the street and suddenly starts to cry.

Excellent reason for running when it is dark!

Something is missing

Cinnamon for the health

Is there anything like a good cup of tea? No, right? Or a nicely warm cup of coffee?

Those are the bright sides of being sick. Great excuse for making hot beverages! And since I have millions of different flavors to choose from, so I did. So far I have had black coffee (caffeine FTW), Irish coffee and cinnamon tea. Yummy yummy! Next up is probably going to be green tea with strawberry and vanilla (one of my favorites!)

HAHAHAH I just realized I am blogging (babbling) about liquid! Is that funny or what?? Somehow I feel like this could be seen as a feverish rambling hmm. Who cares anyway!? :D

Banksy is an odd character. I simply cannot figure him out. Is he like this or that? Or this inside that with a twist of something completely different??? He is toying with us all! I am so sure of that. and it frustrates me! And at the same time fascinates me. I love him and I hate him. Love/hate - hate/love. L.O.V.E.H.A.T.E.

My assignment is currently on standby.. Again.. I manage to write a few pages and then..

OMG STOP THAT ANNOYING RINGING!! WHY do people not get that NOBODY is going to pick up that phone???? Argh!

Speaking of which! I DESPISE people who keep calling and calling and calling and do not get the HINT that I do not want to talk to them... Just leave me alone goddamnit!

In my head

I only feel pain. Seriously? I think I could crush my head against the pavement and feel less pain than now.

So sick.. I feel a cold sneaking up on me and it sure is not pleasant! Grr.. Seems like I wont be doing much on my assignment this evening.. Again....... BAAH! I really despise myself for not putting enough effort in it. So stupid and I am pretty sure I shall regret it later. At least my mate has the same kind of subject so we help each other. Motivation for me yay!

Spring has come! (which is why I'm catching a cold). I feel like going on vacation! Feel like going far away from here. Strap on my roller blades and just roll on without a real goal. I look so much forward to the summer when I actually get to do that :D Come quick, come quick lovely summer :)

I envy all the second year students who get to go on their study trip by the end of this month. Oh, I wish I could go too! Vienna sure was lovely at this time of year! Wishing away. At least I take some days off next week to go to Hamburg. I sure hope the weather is great and warmer than last time I visited the city. It was without doubt way too cold to stand 11 hours straight in front of the venue with cold rainy weather ugh.. BUT this time we hope for better weather!

POKÉMON

GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL!

I being the one in the middle wearing a skirt.

When I look at this picture I am filled with mixed emotions. I think it is a quite okay picture of me. But then I realize just exactly how short I am. I mean look at how tall the other look compared to me! It is insane!

BUT! We had fun! So much fun! This spring concert was great! And I must say I think we gave the best performance - I mean come on what can honestly beat Pokémon? Sugababes, Prince, sloooow melodies? No, right? Also this was one of the only up-beat songs at the concert. I loved it even though I hate standing on a stage in the spot light ugh.

Car crash - carcass rash

Yesterday I was very close to crashing. Almost hit a deer. I wonder what would have happened to us if we had. It would not have been pretty I am sure.

Is it bizarre that I would not have minded if it happened? Well do not get me wrong I never wanted for the animal to die and I am thankful we did not hit it. But when it comes to the harm it would have inflicted on me I think I would not have thought too badly about it. Maybe it would even be nice to actually have a decent excuse for things.

I wonder.

While they fight with their words

I sit in my room and pretend not to hear it. I hate it. Why does it have to be that way? I hate when they start arguing. I just do not see the point of it. Pleeease just quit it. Nothing good is going to come out of it anyway....... BLAH!

I think I should swing by www.comfytube.com for a chance to get relaxed again. No seriously you just chill when you hit that site!

Chill and slack my life away faffing around...

Fly like a G6

I am not exactly feeling fly like a G6. Wish I was though.

I am a complete mess these days. My grades are spiraling downwards like a plain about to crash. I feel like sighing, but what use has anyone ever had from that? I seriously need to get back in the game - on so many aspects of my life. Everything is falling apart nothing is in place - everything on a defect autopilot while I am sleepwalking down the aisle.

I feel like I have a lot of issues at the moment, but none to talk about them to. What concerns me simply is not something you talk with other people about. Maybe she was right, it could be I needed to see a shrink. Though I hate the kind.