Suicide

For some reason I'm still awake even though I should be sleeping. Work tomorrow and some lack of sleep last night would be reason enough to go to sleep, but I can't seem to force myself to bed. This has resulted in one thing: Me watching Grey's Anatomy as it's on TV right now. I'm a little uncomfortable with this episode since part of it is about this transvestite who wants the surgery to really become a woman. This I have no trouble digesting, but what troubles me is the cut on her wrist. Suicide attempt. I just can't help imagining that must be exactly what the wrists of my friend's father must look like. His face, his body and then the mutilated wrists haunt my mind.
Recently he's been in my dreams too. Though in the dreams his wrists are completely intact and free from harm. He's skinny as a skeleton, but that's just how he's always been. I can't believe he snapped like that and spiraled down, down, down..

He was such a nice man.

Getting back to the TV show I really consider turning it off. All the talk about suicide and wrist cutting makes my mouth dry out and it's like there's something stuck in my throat. Urgh.. It's just hard to know how you're supposed to act and behave around such things. Act all cool and pretend like you either haven't noticed or don't mind at all. Both options seem pretty offensive in my head, but I can't imagine a soul wanting to talk about it to every other person.