And then I made myself sick..

I woke up this morning feeling like shit. Then I went outside and the cold to my skin filled me with a desire to accomplish something today. I was NOT to go back to sleep as I had otherwise planned. Instead I was to DO something. Try get a job.
Then something went wrong. I sickened myself and suddenly I found myself crouching on the couch with extreme abdominal pains. Nausea began and in the span of less than a quarter I went from a state of positiveness to hit rock bottom.
Then I slept. I slept for a while surrounding my dog. Honestly I don't know how long I had been under since my only thing indicating something was the number on the countdown at MTV.

Bottom line: I feel like shit and I know I induced it on myself.

Did you know..?

.. That I can't handle shots? Well, now you do.
This weekend turned out to be one of the most alcoholic ones for me in months! The last time I drank this much several days in a row was when I went to Berlin with my friend in August. Wow. And apparently I need to rebuild my drinking-stamina. Or I could just keep being the weak-drinker I was meant to be. Maybe.

Friday was J-day. The one day of the year on which the Christmas beer comes to the bars. Of course I had to go out on such a nice Friday evening with a couple of friends and a festive mood. Never mind the fact I was to work at 6 in the morning the next day. Work is NEVER a good excuse to turn down a night out with your friends. Remember it!
Oh what a nice evening it was! Free Christmas beer and a sparkling pin too! What more could you ask for?? I sincerely couldn't come up with something during all the dancing. Dancing. Hah. I like how that word makes everyone think of something cool and nice, but when I talk about me dancing I'm seriously not thinking of the likes. Nope, I think the ugliest dance ever imaginable! Take one look and you would think I was crazy to perform such an act in public. Social suicide if you'd like.
Which is why I can't crack this one. During dancing with my friends someone came up to me and said she was asking on her friend's behalf, how old I was. Was this a troll? Did she mean to ask me how old I was because I was a. dancing like a dork or b. dressing like a deranged Dane? Or was it other reasons that made this girl ask her friend if she could ask me how old I was. I'll probably never know.

My friends thought I should have said 42.

Family Ties

Recently it occurred to me that I know nothing about my family. I was oblivious and living in a safe and secure fantasy where everything was all right. But as it turns out my family is fatally flawed and severely broken.

Apparently my cousin is not getting what is rightfully hers, instead her mother spends the money on racing bikes and stuff for herself. Now I understand the reason my grandmother gave her winter boots last year...
My oldest cousin who is not related to me by blood was in some financial problem it turns out. Who did he go to? My grandmother who is not even his biological family! His own mother knew nothing about the problems he had.
And still is unaware.

I guess the first heads up on my family being odd would be the way I learned I had a female cousin. Some day I was with my grandmother at work at the café when suddenly I was introduced to this girl. My cousin.
I was 8.
Not once before had I heard of her existence.




Today was my last day cleaning the restaurant. I nothing not having to go back there again. Very indeed indifferent.
I reek of their stinking dough...

Yaydayfray

Know the feeling of having a great day until someone or something ruins it entirely? I bet you do. Today I had the honor of experiencing it once again.
I was having such a nice day. Exercise, sun, birds singing everything idyllic and very peaceful. Until... Two in the afternoon...... From the it all went downhill.
How is one supposed to just go on like nothing has happened, when suddenly you find out that the question, the crushing and hurting question you just answered, is about to turn out to be wrong.. At least to the authoring person.
"Do you have or have you had a mental disease?" My answer was no, but apparently the doctor thought otherwise.

I have NEVER in my life considered my behavior as part of a mental disease. Now that this doctor throws it at me like this I get sad and kind of furious. Who is he to tell me whether I was mentally disturbed or not?? The guy doesn't even know me pff..


I guess I just have to settle with him signing the papers...

That damn Driver's License

So basically I work, attend these theory lessons for a Driver's License and drive around in a Mercedes with my teacher. Life is pretty sweet, eh? Well at least I have an income now.
I am getting tired of trying to achieve this license. I never wanted it to begin with. First it was okay since it was new and interesting, but now that I have spent some weeks on it it quite frankly is getting boring. Lessons are boring, driving is boring and I just want to quit. The tests are getting worse and worse in the beginning I was able to pass if it had been a real one, but now not so much....
Oh well..

Anyway I was driving with this journalist last Tuesday. That was quite funny. It was something new and having a backseat passenger made me try to do even better than usual. I took part in her interview and as a thank you she wanted to give me a book called "Woman know your car". I do not know what to expect of the book anyway.

Winter girl

Once upon a time there was a girl. This girl seemed happy.
It was winter and the girl was happy. She lived her life quietly and that was just the way she liked it. She had control of her life and everything seemed to go just the way she wanted it.

She was a winter girl.

In the winter she was happy. She was everything and nothing and that was exactly the point of it all.

But then winter ended. She became miserable and lost everything she had fought so hard to achieve. Now she is grieving and wondering where everything went wrong. How things could turn around and become like this. How all the dreams now lie shattered on the floor.

There is only one hope for this girl - that winter this year will bring back the winter girl in her. That winter will in fact save her miserable little life and bring her back to her happy state of mind.


Pray for the girl.

Gossipy girls

Caught between two friends' fight. One says one thing the other another. Really no clue what to think is the truth - probably a great old cocktail of everything and the things left unsaid.

It saddens me that these two great friends of mine have gotten into such a mess with each other. Their relationship literary has hit rock bottom. A sad way to part with yelling, name-dropping and furniture vanishing from the apartment when the other is out.


C visited me last night. It has been such a long time since I last saw her. Mostly because of that cold war she and M has going on. It was nice seeing her though. We spent the evening watching Gossip Girls on TV, talking about stuff and of course gossip about this and that.
Seeing her again made me realize how awkward our relationship always has been. I pretty much do not care about it, but people watching would probably consider it shaky ground. I like C and I really hope she and M will make it work between them. At least having the two of them sitting in the same room without killing each other would be nice.

I hate to choose between friends...